house-prices.txt — Boomer-ai
C:\BOOMER-AI\ASK\HOUSE-PRICES.TXT

What would a boomer say about house prices?

Mention house prices to a boomer and you'll hear about a four-bed semi bought for the price of a family car. Here's what the Boomer says, and what the numbers actually show.

Ask a Boomer: house prices Comedy, not advice

You asked: “How am I supposed to buy a house on £32,000 a year?”

Thirty-two thousand pounds a year and you can't afford a house?! That's more than Uncle Dave earned in the whole of the 1980s, and he had a caravan in Skegness!

You simply walk into the building society in your good suit, look the manager in the eye and tell him you're a reliable sort with a paper round. Cancel the Netflix, stop buying sourdough, and you'll have a deposit by Easter.

Anyway, talking of houses: why did the house go to the doctor? It had window panes! Ho ho, I'm here all week!

You asked: “The estate agent says a two-bed flat is ‘only’ £285,000.”

Only?! ONLY?! For two hundred and eighty-five thousand pounds I'd expect a moat, a butler and a snooker room with a proper slate bed!

In my day a flat was what you rented above the chip shop until you'd saved up for a semi. Offer him a firm handshake and forty thousand in used notes, and see how ‘only’ he feels then.

Anyway, what did one wall say to the other wall? I'll meet you at the corner! Aunt Carol still doesn't get it.

You asked: “Is the Bank of Mum and Dad a real mortgage lender?”

The Bank of Mum and Dad is closed. It's been converted into a conservatory and a three-week cruise round the Norwegian fjords.

Nobody gave me a penny! I saved every week in a Post Office book, lived on corned beef and bought my first place with a mortgage the size of a telephone directory. Character-building, that's what it was.

Anyway, why did the golfer bring two pairs of trousers? In case he got a hole in one! A hole in one! Marvellous.

The real numbers

What else would a boomer say?

Boomer-ai is a comedy app made by Moola. The Boomer's answers are jokes, not advice.